Fault Lines

Last night I dreamed that the 'Big One' hit. I was in the North Bay and trying to get back to my house in San Francisco but the Golden Gate Bridge had been destroyed. So I'm just across the water in Marin and this huge brother in a boat comes along and he's like 'Sup girl, I saw you from miles back and I've been trying to get at you for miles' and all I could say was 'You might not want to tell people you saw them from behind, miles away'.

Anyway he proceeds to try and woo me by saying that he wants to see my fault lines. Um....this is THE worst pick-up in the history of reality or fantasy. I ran away from him and got on another boat with this lady and her kid. They had so much money that the kid had 5 different stages for putting on puppet shows. They were all themed: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe; A Midsummer Nights Dream; Punch & Judy; Dracula; Star Trek.

We continued on our way and then when I got home it was like nothing had happened. My house was fine and everyone kept asking me why I was so upset. It turns out that in the process of saving the boat lady's little girl, I had somehow misplaced the girls bedframe (?). I had to go door to door to all of these businesses and ask them if they'd seen a Twin bed frame. After much heartache it turned out that her bed pulled out of a daybed so the frame was there the whole time.

2 Weeks

I stayed with a friend last night. For dinner we had sushi and for dessert we had the grossest frozen yogurt I've ever tasted. The frozen yogurt gave me horrible gas. I blame the frozen yogurt for the dream I am about to recall.

I'm walking with my friend down Fillmore street and we're window shopping and sipping on iced coffee. All of the sudden I feel the baby kick. Then the baby starts doing somersaults and kicking at the same time.

This goes on for awhile until I realize that I'm in labor! She is also pregnant but her gestation time is of a normal rate and although she is farther along than I am, my tummy is bigger and I'm now apparently in labor two weeks along.

She takes me to the hospital and I'm there for hours! I'm not dialated enough, the baby is turned, they can't find my doctor etc.
So I have to deliver this thing by myself. I'm not sure what happens next because the pain of childbirth has completely blocked out all memory.

I woke up and smelled my farts. I birthed a fart baby in my sleep.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

So someone was chasing me through Autobahn and I'm riding in a convertible Lamborghini. Now let me be clear, I am not driving, an unknown person is driving and the assailants chasing me are also unknown.

Through the twists and turns of the highway I realize that my friend Tommy is riding alongside the car driving a motorcycle with a sidecar. He’s got a leather pilot hat on and goggles like he’s Snoopy. Now in my head I’m having flashbacks to Wallace and Gromit and I can see that the pin is coming lose and I don’t want to hop into the sidecar.

The chase continues and I get all Sterling Archer on myself and decide to just go for it.

So the motorcycle paces the convertible and I make the jump into the sidecar.

Then I wake up, at least in my dreams I’m daring!

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

i was in LA and driving through a tunnel and there was this fucking BAD ASS car speeding up behind me and it it was a female stunt driver and they were filming some crash or something
and then i went to a gym and some guy was talking to me about working out and i was like 'oh do you do like home fitness? like p90 or something?'
and then he struck a pose and flexed and was like 'this is me on p90x'
and then my friend jessica was there and she was doing yoga and someone tried to adjust her and she didnt have any underwear or pants on just her workout top and they put their thumb up her butt to make her back straighter during her downward dog