Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

Okay so I was at Lily Tomlin’s house and it was this huge house out in the woods. And she was hiding in a well by the gate to her house because she wanted to see people who tried to come visit her before she met them to see if she wanted to deal with them. Like people who 'drop by' she wanted to be like 'I don’t like them, let them get no response at the house'. and then if she liked them she would just crawl up out of the well wearing like a 'Gilligan’s Island' hat and was like 'I was just in the garden and I thought I heard a car...how good to see you!'


Anyway, so we're hanging out in the well and she's like 'hang out with me, you seem nice. I’ll tell you a story'

So we're hanging out in the well and there is some weird sexual tension because I’m not that into her but she's being kinda flirty and so she starts telling me this story but I am also imagining the story so it's like a dream within a dream. So she's telling me about this kid she used to take care of- like semi-adopted from the streets. she took him in and they lived lavishly in a fancy hotel and he was always getting into trouble because as he was getting older (like 12 or 14) he started acting out. You know, just sort of being a teenager so she's telling me this and in my mind I’m AT the hotel with them etc etc (you follow?)

okay so she's relating this story about how she would give him money to go eat breakfast while she was getting ready for a show and he would spend all the money on candy and not eat breakfast and how one time she told the concierge not to let him buy any candy and if he wanted breakfast he would have to eat a real breakfast in the hotel restaurant

so they cut this kid off candy and he pitches a fit and won't go eat real breakfast and the concierge tells him 'if you want to eat, you have to go to talk to Ms. Tomlin
so he's all pouty and like angry and she comes around the corner and is like 'look, you have to follow my rules if you want my help, I’m trying to help you'
so they walk to the concierge person and he tells them what the kid usually gets, necco wafers and Charleston Chews (I think this must have been like in the 50's or something)
so she sends the kid off to eat a real breakfast and then buys him a ton of candy and puts it in his dresser so he can still have candy and know that she loves him
anyway, so then we're back in the well and she's like 'we have to go inside!'
Like panicked. She’s like 'we're in danger'

So we go inside and go into this room that's waaaaay in the back of the house, it's like a panic room suite
she has a remote that closes the blinds and locks the doors etc. so she's doing all this and we hear people in the house and can see them on monitors looking through the house for us.
so they leave and don’t find us but we have to stay in the room for like YEARS so they won’t come back
They have to think we're gone. there was this glass it was like a super shitty vase the the kid bought her like years ago that was in the room we were hiding in and when we flee she grabs it and I’m like, ‘leave that jar here’ and she's like 'no, I can’t it's the only thing of value that I have'

And apparently I had succumbed to her desires because we were in that room for years and there was just a canopy bed.

So finally we are allowed to leave and she's like you see that? And it's this HUGE bridge that has all these circles and stuff on it like a kids racetrack (with like the loop-de-loops on it) and it's shaped like a lady's hand with long scary fingernails and she's like 'the only way we can get out of here is if you drive through that to the other side' so I get in this teeeeeeny tiny green car and drive and I almost drive off the bridge but I am very careful and there is a song on the radio by that girl from American Idol who's name I don’t know.

So I get to the other side and she took a TRAIN to meet me. I’m like, why did I have to do that drive by myself and she's like 'that’s the only way we could throw them off the track because no one else can drive that bridge' (like we separated and they followed me so she could escape in a train).

Anyway, so we're walking around San Francisco and we're under the overpass for 80 - like out by rainbow market and Costco and a huge earthquake hits. Like HUGE and the bridge collapses and then I see…super far away Sutro tower falls town and then I see the golden gate bridge fall down and I’m like holy shit, is this a terrorist attack or an earthquake and she's like 'we have to go to Oakland. Richmond is the only safe place - Richmond hills, let's go!’ so we get in my tiiiiny green car and go to Richmond and I call my dad to tell him I’m okay and he tells me to pack a backpack and make sure I have a flashlight
So I do and Tomlin and I are in this like old people's home and we're running room to room trying to gather supplies before the next aftershock hits.

Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loves Me

An ex took me to meet their parents for the holidays. They lived in a huge RV that was also a houseboat.
There were about 10 children and we had tamales and lumpia for our holiday meal. It was awesome until the mom found us getting randy in the pantry and then made me sit on the porch while the entire family (children included) told me how inappropriate it is to fondle their kin in a closet.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

I met up with my friend Peanut at this really weird BBQ Sushi place where all the sushi rolls were rolled in panko and then grilled. After that we went to this club that was also a sex shop. We looked around at everything and ended up getting rubber keychains molded like vintage cars. I'm not sure why we found them at this club/sex shop but they were the only awesome thing there.
We left there and then headed towards the car but there was this new slide in Sacramento that she wanted to check out it was this HUGE canvas slide that went for miles and miles. It was only for people who owned iPhones and she desperately wanted to go on it. So we headed over there and because I was with a hot girl with an iPhone they let me go on it too. The Governator was ahead of us and he kept stopping mid-slide to try and talk to her. We finished the slide which took about 45 minutes and then we were headed to the bay area to see Passion Pit play at the Fox Theater. By the time we got back to the car it was like 11pm and we were both tired. So we ended up throwing in the towel for Passion Pit and went back to the club/sex shop to buy more stuff and show off the fact that I could walk in heels.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream...

I was in England visiting my friends and I got lost and couldn't find their house. I ended up going into a Newbury Comics and tried to get someone to jailbreak my G1 phone so I could get their address. They kicked me out because they thought I was trying to steal an iPod and so I ended up getting on the train and then somehow ended up in France. Then I was REALLY lost because I couldn't understand any of the signs. So at last I ended up in a really shitty part of Canada (I guess since I've never been to France my mind just went to Canada). I was walking down this long hill and out walks Alexander Skarsgard. He comes out of nowhere and says he'll help me get back to their house. But, in order to help me I had to simulate sex with him while some homeless guy watched. I will tell you right now it was not sexy and his wiener was weird.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

It's a little vague but I have the basic impression.

My broken leg got infected because I was flying and I clipped a tree top and cut myself. When I went into the hospital they took blood from my calf and from my thigh. It turns out that the blood was from two different people. Apparently I was part of a twin and so the lower half of my leg (that is still healing from being broken in three places) is being rejected by the rest of my body. Because of this it is unable to heal itself.
Due to my tibia's inability to self-generate I need to get an artificial leg. **this portion of the dream was, no doubt, inspired by the 20 seconds of 'Minute To Win It' that I watched last night, in which two ARMY men each with one bionic leg were competing.
At the end of my dream I was still in the hospital reeling from the news that after months of trying to recuperate I was now going to lose the lower half of my leg and have to learn how to use and live with a peg-leg.
Additionally, while in the hospital I met a guy named Eli who lived in Hawaii and could also fly and he was going to come back in 3 days for more romance but when he came back I was living at home with my Mom who was keeping me in a sort of convalecent house arrest and wouldn't let me have sex.
This was my very strange and horrible dream.

Last night I had the strangest dream...

i had a dream last night that i worked for the DMV and Y was my boss and X was there and i had his wallet and then Y yelled at me and i had a baby that was taken away from me and then i hugged a black lady

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

I watched 'Animal Factory' with my current favorite star Mickey Rourke. Set in a prison, Mikey Rourke's character, Jan The Actress, wears a red lace strapless bra under a denim shirt tied at the chest.
In my dream, I'm in his cell and we're about to make out and I decide I'm going to make my move.
I lean in to take off his bra (yes, his red lace strapless bra). I can't quite figure out how I'm going to work my way around the denim shirt AND the bra. It's a very complex procedure that's in front of me.
My dream RESETS not once but three times!
Each time I lean in to try to figure out how to disrobe this convict, my mind can't quite figure out how I'm going to manage the bra and the shirt.
By the third re-set of the approach, my mind decides that it would be more advantageous if this red bra were a front-hook.
Having little experience with front hook bras, my sleeping mind decided that front hook would be a much more direct way to achieve nakedness.
Gotta love the human mind.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

I had a dream last night that I was in a house full of children. One of the older kids was planning on blowing up the house, and somehow I knew about this plan.
I was the heroine and ended up saving a bunch of people. Later on at the funeral for the kid who blew up the house I was walking around in a black dress and man-dals. Sharlto Copley was the priest presiding over the funeral and he noticed my shoes. I said that they were my grandpa's slippers and that I always wore them to funerals because he died while wearing them.
Then Sharlto Copley and I chatted for awhile and the entire time I'm thinking 'It's so inappropriate that I'm kind of flirting with this priest guy, but his accent is kinda hot'.
He said he had slippers just like it and really appreciated how I wore then in honor of those who died.
So weird. Now I want to watch 'District 9' trailers all day and pretend he's talking to me.

Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream

I was making out with Crispin Glover and he leaves the room for a second to go...I don't know, turn off a light or something. When he comes back in, he's now (wait for it) John Travolta!
I was thinking 'Did you think I wouldn't notice?' It was like my mind just couldn't be creative enough with Crispin Glover so it went for Travolta. So weird. I couldn't go with it.